Posted by: Bruce Allen | October 5, 2007

Dear KC in Beertown–

Dear Mr. BruAl,

“Notice how in our salutation we use the casual, almost intimate double dash, whereas you use the stiff, more formal Republican colon.” Infra, 9/29/07.

Speaking of conservative colons, my question regards colonoscopies. But first, I apologize for taking so long to crawl over your blog. As you can imagine I am a very busy man. Between myspace and friendster, I barely have time to keep up with facebook or blogspot.

Having undergone several colonoscopies myself, I have had the opportunity to discuss my colonoscopy experiences with colonoscopy veterans from various demographics. Several noteworthy observations arise from these discussions. I would like to focus on one of those here.

In contrast to my own cohort, which seems to be very reserved about this topic, baby-boomers seem almost enthusiastically forthcoming about their colonoscopy experiences. This contrast is especially dramatic in the context of the preparatory measures required for most colonoscopies.

In your opinion, does this generational divide in willingness to divulge the intimate and potentially discomforting details of an intrusive medical procedure merely reflect an increased sense of self-awareness among the middle-aged? Or, is there a more penetrating social phenomenon at work here? I realize the open-endedness of this query. But, my intention is to leave you free to probe this chasm and pass your nuggets.

Thank you in advance for your thoughtful response,
                                                                              KC in Beertown

Dear KC–

Finally, a question we can work with.  A question, as Dan Dierdorf would say, with some gutthsh.  A question loaded with double entendres which, as we know, exist toward the lower end of the humor continuum.  Rectum?  Nearly killed him!  BTW, back when your father had the first of his many hemorrhoidectomies we told him he was officially a perfect a__hole.  Lo and behold, his son, the lawyer, shows a pronounced interest in the subject/region.  The long sentences are more reminiscent of your mother, but we digress.

By way of probing chasms and passing nuggets, we observe that you have an enlarged command of the language, including your persistent use of the dogmatic pluperfect tense, but a disquieting inability to actually process information.  A real flair for the obvious. The reason your, ahem, cohort does not discuss its colonoscopies is because the vast majority of them have never had one.  That you have had more than one at your tender age suggests something, we hope, beyond medical necessity.  Reality TV taken to it’s logical extreme? An attraction to the so-called silver stallion?  “The Exorcist”, in reverse, for 24 hours in advance of the degradation procedure?  We loved the movie, too, but come on!

Finally, we think your sample size is too small.  The baby boomers you know are mostly either friends of your parents or other lawyers and, as Daninannapolis would attest, since he falls into both groups, most of these people us, are, in fact, a__holes.  Does it surprise you that an a__hole would want to discuss his or her colonoscopy? Or the logisitics of the day that precedes it?  D’you think Derek Jeter likes to talk about the pivot on a double play ball, or hitting behind the runner? 

Two lawyers are on a long walk on a deserted beach, when they come upon a beautiful young woman, naked and unconscious on the water’s edge.  First lawyer asks the second, “Should we screw her?”  Second lawyer answers, “Outta what?”



  1. “we observe that you have an enlarged command of the language”

    As Little Dan would say, I am a cunning linguist.

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